come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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