i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
