so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize