Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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