If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
