I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
