We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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