You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
