Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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