I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
