Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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