i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
