I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
