If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
