dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
