sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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