I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
