Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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