I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
