Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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