hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
