Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
