boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
