Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
