Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
