I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dick very happy bro
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