He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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