It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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