I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
