Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think i got beer on your cat.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
