ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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