I am in a vortex of obligation.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
