He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Randomize
