i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
