so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize