She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
