found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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