just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
