I want to stick my p in your. b.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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