Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
