So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
