I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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