She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
