Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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