"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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