its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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