Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
