So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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