After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
