READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
