Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
