I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
