he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
