I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
