After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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