what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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