The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
