The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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