I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
