Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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