I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
