im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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