I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
