Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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