I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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