I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
