This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
