if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
