somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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