someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
