This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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