Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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