Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
