if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
