I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
