It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
