So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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