I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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